Starting with no expectations

I think I may have stumbled upon a thing. Writing these posts has helped me get stuff out of my brain and onto the screen. It's been very low pressure, allowing me to write without the expectation of perfection (which is a big thing for me).

However, a couple of days ago I wrote a post that was my initial reaction to reading something online. I read it over heaps of times. I posted it. I read it again. And then I realised I wasn't satisfied with just that level of engagement in the topic. It felt too shallow and reflexive a reaction. I didn't want it to stop there. I wanted to understand the topic better. So I pulled the post down within minutes.

I have proceeded to read articles and books and watch interviews in the hope of understanding whether there was anything to my gut reaction, or whether it was completely unfounded. Interestingly, it's looking like I was right in how I felt, or at least right in being able to point out why I felt that way.

But that's beside the point. What is more interesting to me is the fact that now I'm wanting to write with greater detail and topic awareness, not because I feel the need for perfection, but because I feel the need for understanding. It's not enough anymore to just sit back and spout the odd thought about things because it feels good to just have thoughts and be able to articulate them. I now want more. I want better - and it's flowed naturally in an environment where thoughts are allowed to flow, with no expectation of the result. This is freeing. This is how I've wanted to be able to think. And write. Perhaps all along the solution was not to lower the bar, but rather remove it. Maybe? Whatever. I don't need to know why. I just know that now I can do something I couldn't do before. I'm doing it for me and not because I feel the need to please anyone with perfection.

Now to apply this to writing my Masters thesis. Sigh.